i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
do herpes really smell.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
