dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
