is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
nutella sex= disaster
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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