i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
