After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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