OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love you.
Bad choice
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