You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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