I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
