Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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