He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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