The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
