Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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