Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
