just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
