dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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