Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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