Can i not drive my cunt home
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
