I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
