worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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