Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
