Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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