Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I AM VODKA MAN
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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