I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
