Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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