so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
