I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
