That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
