I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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