found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
