She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My pussy is not your playground.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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