During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
