Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
