Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
