We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
