I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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