Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
