don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
