I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
