I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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