you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
