So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize