I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
