dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
