You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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