Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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