There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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