you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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