I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
