Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All the doctor said was why
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
