Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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