alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
