if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
