"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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