Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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