Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
