i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
