remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
