while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize