I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
