My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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