Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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