trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
