Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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