im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
