Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
