Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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