When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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